Diagnosis: Sinioritis

          It’s the time of the year where Senioritis becomes a highly contagious disease. Final exams and projects begin to haunt the students with deadlines, but what’s even worse is the contracting Senioritis. Seniors are severely affected; however, anyone can easily develop the habit of laziness and indolence during this season. For example, juniors can develop a mild case of Junioritis due to the given pressure on upcoming SAT exams and college planning for their senior year, but Senioritis shows a drastic change in one’s cognitive thinking and behaviour, possibly facing a severe existential crisis.

Common Symptoms:

– Sleepy eyes

– Sluggish movement

– Motivation at an all time low

– Existential thoughts

– Increased boredom: Flipping water bottles, producing cacophony, air drumming, ceaseless yawning, loitering at the art tables, aimless wandering, to name a couple.

– Repetition of phrases like: “I’m so oppressed in here” “I just wanna graduate” “How many more days ’til grad?” “I hate everything” “Can’t wait for the summer”

 If you want to calculate your severeness of Senioritis, follow the formula below:

*Higher number – Less severe (Above 250)

*Lower number – More severe (0 or below is severe)

 

Not to be confused with the pop-punk formula:

*Note: Bands such as 5 Seconds of Summer do not count towards the formula

          (Pop punk culture usually deals with stereotypes of having a fond obsession over pizza, friends, and bands. Pop punk enthusiasts usually express hate towards their town and complain about their personal problems; scientists argue that a pop punk fan is slightly parallel to a Senioritis patient)

          Regardless, it seems like Sapporo’s current weather is definitely not helping the prevention of Senioritis. Studies have shown that weather plays a major role in Senioritis. Cloudy/rainy weather gives students a 55% increase of risk of getting Senioritis, whereas it was proven that sunny weather enhances a student’s overall mood. Furthermore, scientists believe that the melatonin from the sun has a strong correlation with a student displaying the traits of the HUSKIES.

          Students have taken vaccinations for Senioritis, but it was proven to be ineffective for the majority of the student body. Professionals believe that the best way to cure the disease is by time itself. Professionals advise to stay focused in school and do not over think about life so much. Focus on finishing your year strong and maintaining a healthy mindset. Last but not least, don’t forget to have fun!

-Marvin Dotiyal